Pink Pineapple: Blanco's Manufactured 'Sweet' Lie. - Pink Paradise Found

So, we've reached peak absurdity, have we? Pink pineapples. Not content with the perfectly acceptable yellow ones, some lab-coat-wearing geniuses decided we needed to mess with nature and turn them pink. Because, you know, the world was just *begging* for a genetically modified Instagram prop that costs more than my monthly streaming subscriptions.

Pink Pineapple: Proof We're Officially Doomed?

The Science of Stupid Let's break this down. They've altered the DNA of a pineapple to prevent lycopene from turning into beta-carotene. Lycopene, for those of you who skipped biology class, is what makes tomatoes and watermelons red. So, basically, they've created a Frankenstein fruit that bleeds pink instead of yellow. And for what? So influencers can pose with it? Give me a break. They claim it's "rich in Vitamin C, high in antioxidants, aids digestion..." blah, blah, blah. Newsflash: regular pineapples do all that too, and they don't require some mad scientist to tinker with their genes. Are we really supposed to believe this is about health, or is it just about lining the pockets of some corporation that's figured out how to monetize our vanity? And the price tag! $25 to $50 *per pineapple*? You can buy a whole damn cartload of regular pineapples for that price. I could fly to Hawaii, eat fresh pineapple on the beach, and still have money left over, instead of buying this thing.

Pink Pineapples: Peak Idiocracy or Marketing Genius?

Social Media's Sickening Grip Of course, Benny Blanco thinks it's "incredible." The Pink Pineapple: Nature's Sweetest Trend Taking Over the Internet and Benny Blanco Approves probably thinks a deep-fried Twinkie is haute cuisine. I wouldn't trust his taste buds if my life depended on it. And the fact that this pink monstrosity has become a social media sensation just proves how far gone we are as a society. We're so obsessed with aesthetics that we're willing to overlook the sheer ridiculousness of it all. I mean, an "Instagram-worthy snack"? Really? Is that the pinnacle of human achievement now? I saw a pic of one of these things online. Shipped without the crown. Why? "To maintain exclusivity." Oh, please. It's a damn pineapple, not a Faberge egg. The lengths these companies will go to create artificial scarcity are just…infuriating. You know what else is pink? Flamingoes. Sunsets. My grandma's dentures after she eats too many beets. None of those things needed to be genetically engineered.

Pink Pineapple Panic: Who Asked For This?

The Unasked Questions Here's what really grinds my gears: What are the long-term effects of eating this thing? They say it's "approved for consumption" and "considered safe." But who "approved" it? And what are their motives? I'm not saying it's going to turn us all into pink-skinned mutants, but I'm also not *not* saying it. We've been down this road before with GMOs, and the jury's still out on a lot of that stuff, offcourse. And what about the environmental impact? These things are grown on "select tropical farms under carefully controlled conditions." What does that *mean*, exactly? Are they destroying rainforests to make room for pink pineapple plantations? Are they using pesticides that are going to kill off the local wildlife? Nobody seems to be asking these questions, and that's what scares me the most. Then again, maybe I'm just getting old. Maybe I'm turning into one of those grumpy old men who yells at clouds and complains about kids these days. But I can't shake the feeling that this pink pineapple is a symptom of something much larger, something much more disturbing. We've Officially Lost the Plot